Heil Harvesting, Ulysses KS/Limon CO | Wow. That really is all I can say. There may not be words to adequately describe the events of the last two months. The response, the journey, the progress, the shortcomings, the lack of sleep. The surreal-esque life I led is starting to come into focus. I feel like I deserve an Emmy for best actor. Best actor and shame.
I want to thank you as a group. If I have not replied, give me time. It is in the pipeline. Sometimes, the replies come easy. Sometimes they don't. I work at it. I will continue to work at it. Each one, different, personal. The time you took to read, to think, to put emotions on paper-very nice. Incredible. At times, they bring smiles to my face. At times they bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes, the same letter will do both, over and over again. They will be something I will always cherish.
My failures in the past, maybe not visible. They were there. Often, it was an omission, an omission of a friendship I had to offer. Omission of a student I could have been. Omission of the salesman, the colleague, combiner, broker, the PERSON I could be.
The friends, the people who really cared, they came out of the woodwork. I have messages from people who I have not talked to in a coons age. Maybe two coons ages. Friends, I had forgot how powerful a force they can be. Again, I thank you.
Life continues to improve. Every day may not be better than the last, but every week shows signs of progress. Sometimes, my progress is in realizing a shortcoming. Something I had taken for granted. Something that I lost control of. Those days, it is hard to get out of bed. It is hard to function. Convicted. Convicted is the only word to describe it. The emotional and psychological damage runs in a vicious frantic spiral. Sometimes, I move forward, sometimes I hold on for dear life. And sometimes I fail. But I tell you, no matter how many times I fail I will lace up again. I want to do this. I will do this.
Every failure is a learning experience. Every one. Every victory is a learning experience. Victories are both celebrated and evaluated. What worked. The failures, we work, we plan, we analyze. We find a way to win. At times tough but always worth it.
I ask you to share my story, my letters, my contact information. Share them with anyone who may benefit. Depression is mean. Depression chemical. Depression is real. Talk about it. Seek help if you need it. If you don't know where to go, I can point you in the right direction. The hardest step is the first. That is the only one you have to make your self, admit it. From there, help abounds. More help than I ever imagined. Medication, FRIENDS, family, therapists, faith. You can take that step.
Finally, those who offered prayers, thank you. I ask rather than praying for me, pray for those who need help. Those who struggle and fight alone. Pray that they may find help, and in turn peace. I know just how miserable life is before help, how calm things can be after help.
Again, I thank you all. You are the best. I wish you the best.
Bradley E Heil |
Update; Life goes on...
