After reading all the comments and issues with Forwardperson's post, I was wondering how many couples out there actually sit down and talk about what's bothering them--before things come to such a head?  I've been married 27 years and after about 10, I found that he changed as the operation got more consuming.  I decided one night, with the boys in bed and after he got all cleaned up to sit down to watch TV, that "we needed to talk".  He bristled and got very defensive at first.  We had to talk into the wee hours of the night, but went to bed with a good understanding of each other's needs and feelings.  No, I didn't see changes overnight with issues still having to be addressed,periodically, but after that first talk and subsequent others over the years, I've felt listened to, understood and in ownership of what kind of a marriage I want to be in.  My husband still may bristle when he hears the words "we need to talk", but he respects them.

Just to let you know, too, the desire to have those talks come after harvest, planting, spraying time, when I feel he should have time for me!  I respect those other times as sacred rights and remain patient, hoping he'll remember about me, later.  If not,.......:)

Mrs. Fefernuse